Living with Constant Abuse

I live with a woman who is emotionally abusing me, my kids, her aunt and mother. This happens every day, whatever I say or do. Tonight I had a friend over to play some music, and at the end of the night, when tempers usually flare up between us, she said, "you're such a jeckyl-and-hide with your stupid friend, asking him to stay to watch a movie." I replied, "I'd much rather spend time with him, than with you." Tit for tat.

Of course, it didn't really go that way precisely. When you receive constant emotional abuse, it stirs you up inside, disorients you, makes you question your sanity. Why would a sane person put up with it? Last night, I chose to be on the couch in the spare room. Tonight, it seems to be a mutual thing. Our night ended with her yelling "get out of my bedroom," as if it was something she was choosing for me.

I followed up with a private deliberation with myself. I told myself once again, I need to get out of this marriage. My life will never improve with this constant source of self-hatred. Oh, now I remember what set her off. We had been watching a movie, "Good Night and Good Luck," which I chose on NetFlix. She of course fell asleep about 10 minutes in. I said, good movie, and that it will be probably be one of those films that take us a few weeks to watch. She blamed me, saying I'd been practicing piano for a half hour earlier, and had delayed our watching the movie until 10pm. Fair enough. I made the off-handed remark that my body has been doing better on less caffeine; I had drunk mainly decaf all week and my digestive system seems to be operating more healthily. Then I said I limited myself to two cups of regular coffee today, which is Saturday. She replied, incredulously, "how is that limiting yourself!?" Well, I said, compared to how much I normally drink, that's quite low. Things unraveled from there. She continued criticizing, and she said she couldn't care less about the caffeine thing. I said it was obvious she really doesn't care much about me at all, mainly because of her daily behavior, not what she says.

Meh. This posting is a jumble. But it reflects my state of mind most of the time. I need to find a way out. I need to grow some balls, and move on with my life. I need to divorce this woman.