Healthy Toes

About 15 years ago (1995 or so), I was on a business trip and had some pain in my left foot big toe. Little did I know that it would develop into a nasty case of toe nail fungus that I would carry with me until this year (2009). I start off with this topic, because it is a metaphor for inaction. My toes developed this condition, but I preferred to hide it in my shoes; avoiding wearing sandals; avoiding looking at it. It also became a symbol of why I couldn't be loved. I was in a relationship that I began back in 1984, and now that I had this fungus, I felt like nobody else would ever be able to get past it. I was stuck with my relationship, I was stuck with the fungus.

Ironically, I also became married at about the same time as I developed this physical malady. I married this woman, whom I met in 1984, because it seemed like the logical next step in my life. We were both finished with our higher education. I went to graduate school and she went to law school. What was left but to get married, and start a family. Seems logical.

Little did I know, getting married would begin a process of bringing up deeply repressed issues. Within the first month of marriage, we found our family in crisis. Even on our honeymoon, I found that I didn't just have eyes for her. We were in Mexico, and of course, the opportunities for my eyes to wander were numerous and distracted I was. A month later, I found myself seeking out the attentions of other women.

How did I get myself into this mess? And now in 2009, after going through so much, why do I still find myself so unsettled, even though I now have a family of a wife, a son and a daughter. Why do I dream of being single again? I'm writing this blog to sort this out. This year, I finally decided to do something about the toe fungus. I got a prescription from my family doctor, took pills for two months, and lo and behold the toe has cleared up. There is hope.